A Perfect Record Falls

You MM trekkers know that when you pop into the infusion center or doctor's office, they often ask you a set of customary  questions such as:  Have you experienced Fever? Nausea? Pain? Fallen?  I'd write Diarrhea, but I can't spell it. Bleeding? Dizziness?  Fatigue? Insomnia? and so on.


I have always been able to answer the questions without thinking twice. Sometimes I've had fevers, trouble sleeping, nausea, pain - most likely you all have answered 'yes' to these categories at one time or the other.

But the one question I've never answered 'yes' to was: Have you fallen? Until now!

A couple of days ago I stepped out to get the mail. The box is at the end of our two-house street, and as I set foot onto the somewhat damp lawn, gravity in conspiracy with an unknown assailant, struck. My legs shot out in front of me, time turned into a Matrix-like super slow-motion, my arms flailed out to my sides desperate not to be pinned under my girth, my Nike ball cap jumped ship, my glasses went sideways, and I landed on my back with a thud that should have measured high on the Richter Scale.

I was motionless for a few seconds as the blood rushed and pounded in my ears. I was just hoping that it wasn't rushing out of my ears!

I noticed that I could breath. And that I could see the partly-cloudy Ozark's sky and that nothing seemed to hurt too badly. I also noticed that I could hear the blue jay sitting in my cedar tree. Blue jays are territorial and they 'dive bomb' creatures that get in their space. I had visions of looking like a huge worm to this opportunistic blue jay. I've seen the Hitchcock movie. Better move before the pecking started.

I cautiously lifted up my head, I'll admit, to see if the neighbors were laughing at me or  if they had a video camera aimed to create the next YouTube viral video. I was alone. Except for the blue jay and the chipmunk that peeked out from behind the low rock wall. I swear that before he scurried away he said 'So sorry for your nasty spill, old chap, but you can't catch me now!'

Where does a hillbilly chipmunk get off calling me 'Old Chap'? 51 is not old! Although 1 human year is about 25 chipmunk years. I may not be able to catch him, but I will out live him.

It was then that I  remembered that I had Myeloma, a history of  a bunch of fractured ribs, shoulders, vertebrae, sternum, and more. In a split second, did I just undo surgeries, Zometa infusions, and anti-couch- potato rehabilitation?

My toes and fingers wiggled. I could move my neck slowly  from side to side. My arms bent reasonably from the elbows and then from the shoulders. Okay so far. I  bent my knees and moved my feet closer to my hips. I stretched my back with great care and didn't hear anything crack or pop. Hugging my knees, I sat up and looked over at my neighbor's house again. No $10,000 Home Video Prize for them! I gingerly rose to my feet, no worse for the wear. A quick prayer expressed my gratitude and I promptly forgot about the mail.

So next Wednesday at my weekly maintenance chemo session, I will be asked 'Have you fallen?'  And my answer will be....... 'You got a minute?' Or my pride might get the better of me and I'll say 'Nope.'

Be careful out there in Myelomaville!